Half of me works, avoids the wheels as they fall off the organisation, goes to meeting upon meeting upon meeting of restructure, and deals with people of power who are a few sandwiches short. The other half dreams and schemes and plans for New York City.
Because I don’t know I’ll be unemployed when departure day arrives, I’ve quickly filled out the appropriate leave forms to free me for a slab of touristing. Oh, the facts that need to be recorded on A4 documents in exchange for a bit of freedom!
I while away my time in meetings listening to how wonderful everything will be after the restructure. Ah, Nirvana awaits us. Miracles will shower upon us, we will be lavished with care, consideration and support. Money – so very scarce at this moment – will be freed from wherever it is being restrained and come tumbling our way so that every single thing once denied becomes possible.
I try so very hard to hold my tongue and keep my eyes from rolling. I try to breathe slowly and not stab anyone with a biro. Afterwards people vent and rage, or try to believe the landscape being painted as the future. I am there. I am holding my own. I am going to New York City soon.
After we book the air tickets, the TC and I flip out in our own particular ways. The TC commences her quest for the perfect ankle boot and the perfect trench coat in which to be seen in the Big Apple. I begin an agitated search for Books To Read On The Plane. All my anxieties rest on the right books to see 
me through the longest plane journey I have made for years. What if I read a page or a chapter and don’t like it? What if I’m not absorbed? What if, like so many times lately, the book in front of me can’t hold my attention? Fails to deliver what is promised?
Because I just know the movies will be rubbish.
I work at my day job, smiling and serving. I meet and feel a shuddering commence. I sit up in bed and pore over guidebooks about New York, thrilling at the possibilities. I – who works among books all day long – keep looking for the perfect one.
I am going to New York City. Soon-ish.
RosieL
endgame 